Gaydar: Out of Order

“I woke up one day and realized that I’d give everything I owned for you to chase me–and you were the one determined not too.”
— Debra White Smith Dave Davidson (First Impressions)

 

It is seldom that a women goes out and experiences a true connection with any individual. Not to mention, nightclubs are not condusive to these “connection” forming meetings. However, sometimes it’s as though the universe sets out to prove you wrong and debunk all the myths. You know, we’ve heard it from millions of people and we’ve watch films and read books that spread the message that nothing good can come out of meeting anyone at a nightclub.

 

Well like any other sensible human being I try not to believe that I will meet my knight-in-shining-armour dancing to the latest Lady Gaga song. However, it almost seems like fate when you do meet someone (even if it is in a nightclub), through all the chaos you manage to lock eyes, and for a few brief moments, the crass obnoxious atmosphere becomes secondary to the “lust at first sight” that you are experiencing.

 

And that is how I met this beautiful beau. He was graceful on the eyes and approached me directly. We got to chatting. I couldnt help but notice how easily conversation flowed. Talking to him came natuarally. I found him very intuitive, it was almost as though he really saw me for what I was.

 

Keep in mind, it is possible that I misinterpreted the conversation flowing – this occured after many a screwdriver.

 

Needless to say, I thought that we left off on a positive note as he gave me his business card stating a suave: “Drop me a mail”.

 

He had me at drop.

 

I fussed the whole weekend, staring at the business card hoping that everything equalled out to more than what it was – only to find out that he batted for the other team. The closet was open and organised. He swam upstream. And the list of euphemisms goes on.

 

To prevent this swag fail from happening to any other unsuspecting victims, I have complied a list on how to prevent mistaking someones ‘orientation’.

 

1. Never get drunk (this seems pretty harsh, but in order for your Gaydar to work perfectly, no alcohol can be consumed).
2. Wear very revealing clothing (If he does not look at your chest, atleast once in admiration, that is be a clear indication of his status)
3. Fling your hair, giggle and lightly touch his shoulder (If this has no effect on him, he is definitely gay!)
4. Watch him carefully (If you see him tapping his feet to Born this Way by Lady Gaga – that counts as a basic confession)

Hope this serves as help to all the divas out there! Dont make the same mistake as I did – I ignored all the basic signs, i wish someone had sent me this list.
RRR